Christian Living | Marriage

How Humility Abundantly Blesses Your Marriage

April 20, 2017

“[Love] does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful…” 1 Corinthians 13:5

Consider this for a moment.

When an argument arises, doesn’t it seem like you and your husband are in a tug-o-war, trying to prove who’s right?

He pulls his end and you pull yours, harder and harder until it seems either the rope will snap or one side will go crashing down.

One of you leaves the competition defeated, the other smug, but both sides painfully dissatisfied.

I’ve been there. But with God, it doesn’t have to end that way.

The Problem of Pride

I once heard this and it stuck with me: “The one who won the argument most likely was the least like Christ.” 

Arguments arise when husband and wife, respectively, insist their own way rather than God’s.

Pride is damaging. Damaging not only to our walk with God, but to our oneness with our spouse. Marital strife happens when we love ourself over the love of our life.

The remedy to this destructive pride is humility before God. With godly humility, the warring rope can be dropped. Marital closeness is more than possible, it’s God-glorifying!

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” Ephesians 4:2 (NIV) 

Nurturing biblical humility in your heart allows for beautiful growth in your marriage. Click To Tweet

Remember, growth from God’s Word isn’t always easy, but it reaps the spiritual fruit of righteousness and peace (Hebrews 12:11). My husband and I are learning this day by day!

5 biblical truths about humility that can help your marriage thrive:

1. Humbling yourself before God gives a proper perspective of marriage.

This is perhaps the most significant point. As we covered in Part 1 of the Humility Series, God’s unfathomable power and perfection as the Creator should be a truth we hold dearly in our hearts.

We need to fear the Lord above all, and obey Him as His redeemed creatures. With a strong view of God’s sovereignty, love, and power, we can quiet our hearts and nurture loving self-control. 

Most importantly, the Lord desires that we hold marriage in high esteem (Hebrews 13:4). Why? Because marriage is a physical, relational picture of God and His people. Every marriage has the high calling of representing Christ and the church, showcasing God’s everlasting love.

How do we do this? Just like Christ has so graciously granted us forgiveness through the cross, we ought to mirror His unbreakable compassion to our husband. (Ephesians 4:32)

We commit to investing in his well-being, no matter how he reciprocates.

We humbly serve God by prioritizing our relationship with our husband above ourselves.

Even if frustrated or concerned about the conflict we have with our spouse, giving up is never the answer. Trust the Lord’s work in his heart, seek godly counsel, and humbly respect your husband knowing God will reward your faithfulness. (James 4:10)

A humble woman also knows she cannot change her husband, only the Lord can. She turns to God in prayer before, during, and after difficulty with her man. (Philippians 4:6-7, 1 Thessalonians 5:17)

2. Humility is a vital ingredient for forgiveness.

Covered in point one, this cannot be emphasized enough. When placing our faith in Christ, by the Holy Spirit we put off our old self of anger and slander (Colossians 3:5-10) and put on a new self.

This new self involves having “compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience,” which leads to “forgiving as God forgives.” (Colossians 3:12-13)

3. The humble heart is a repentant heart, leading to restoration.

The truth is, the biggest threat to your marriage can be YOU. Yes, I’m getting real.

When not examining our own hearts and not checking for the planks in our eyes before our husband’s (Luke 6:42), we can dig a hole of self-pity, anger, frustration, or disappointment for no reason. All because we’ve lost sight of the mercy we’ve received in Christ.

Pause and reflect on where you may be sinning. Then ask God and your husband for forgiveness. This meekness can soften your husband’s heart, if not initially, at least over time.

4. Christlike humility fosters a selfless attitude.

When we understand that Jesus laid down everything—His life, His unity with the Father, His heavenly glory—to serve us sinners, we have to respond by doing the same to others. Especially our husband! I heartily encourage you to read Philippians 2:3-11.

5.The humble are careful with their speech.

Lastly, if we are tempted to argue, we should slow down and determine if our opinion aligns with God’s Words.

The humble are slow to speak, and depend on the wisdom of the Holy One. A listening spirit is a humble spirit, because it does not force its own opinion. (James 1:19 Proverbs 10:19) This allows for peaceful communication with your hubby.

I have to admit, just writing this I was sanctified! May God bear blessing in your life as you seek to follow these principles from His Word!

Catch the last part of this series – how humility redefines the way you parent – AND sign up to receive 20 Little Ways to Serve Your Spouse! 

    1. You’re welcome! God’s grace is always at hand, as long as we seek it! Praying God blessed your marriage as you do His will!

  1. Blessed Post, Dani! I had to say {ouch} softly when I read “The one who won the argument most likely was the least like Christ.” So important to show humility in marriage – this is Christ like.

    1. I know, the same happened to me when I heard the statement! Thank you for reading Diana, I pray God will continue to grow us more like Christ!

    1. Praise God, Christina. I can only share these things because He’s had to teach them to me. Praying He grows your marriage in His truth and grace!

  2. How important it is to follow Jesus instructions for a healthy marriage. Pride destroys everything in marriage and we must identify this at the moment and pray about it! – Great post!

  3. I still mess this up sometimes, but one of the blessings of my parents’ failed marriage was this hard lesson. I would rather lose an argument than my husband’s heart. Our love is more important than my vanity. And knowing how stubborn I am, that just might have happened to me if I hadn’t seen it lived out as a child. Thank you for this post, I’ll definitely be pinning this graphic.

    1. Thank you for sharing your testimony. I love what you said about cherishing our husband over vanity. I’m so thankful God shows us the way of love, grace, and truth, so we can leave a strong legacy of marriage for our children!

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